Review: My Virtual Girlfriend (iPhone)
Look, I know what you’re thinking. Virtual girlfriend, tee hee, sex game, Chuck’s a perv. Well sure, I am a perv, but think for a second about the platform this game is available on, and how Apple has recently cracked down on “pornographic” programs in the App Store. Ready to proceed seriously now?
My Virtual Girlfriend is almost what you’d expect it to be from the title. You fill out a brief personality quiz at the beginning and then you’re given the choice between three lovely ladies to try and woo. What follows is a series of questions and options where lying is rewarded greatly and telling the truth usually gets you nowhere fast. For example, when the hottie you’re trying to hook up with asks “Do you own a private jet?” of course you’re going to say yes. Why tell her the truth when you could possibly get into her pants and THEN tell her the truth? Am I right fellas? Yeah! *high five*
Yeah, like you're going to say no.
You try to build and maintain a relationship with your new girlfriend, usually by catering to her wants and desires while ignoring yours entirely. Want to play video games? Go ahead and select that option and watch her sigh in disgust. Then take her to the stupid fartface art gallery and enjoy her loving you forever.
The graphics are early PS2-ish, which is a compliment. You can rotate the camera view into pretty much any position you want, and in a bit that amused me a greatly, when the phone shakes your virtual girlfriend acts as if there’s an earthquake and staggers around the screen. The “dialogue” is all gibberish/Simlish-type nonsense. Or it might be French, I can’t tell for sure. The subtitles are what’s important, as are the visual/emotional reactions of your girl.
The main problem with the game, as it stands now, is that you reach a cap at Level 4 and then cannot advance any further. You can lose the girl, sure, but you can’t get progress with her either. You can spin her around and touch her booty, ask her for a sexy dance or ask her to get naughty and she’ll giggle, nod approvingly and do as you ask. But if you ask her to disrobe (which is an option right there on the screen) she gets angry and sternly scolds you. Just like a real woman. What!? Ooo, I heard that!
There are a number of changes promised in an upcoming update, including increasing the level cap well beyond level 4. Hopefully some spelling and grammar fixes will be included as well. Despite its flaws though, I enjoyed my time with My Virtual Girlfriend. Sure the girls repeat themselves, ask inane questions, send completely mixed signals and generally frustrate the hell out of you. Some of those flaws might be design errors, but I choose to think of them as components of the most realistic woman simulation ever. Am I right fellas? Hell yeah! *double high five*
*This review was written by a fictional character named Chuck Dowling and in no way resembles the real Chuck Dowling who is not a sexist pig.
My Virtual Girlfriend is available on iTunes for the iPhone/iPad and the iPod Touch.
So this is what you did when your wife was out of town? Way to be a bachelor.
ROTFL@ Brent!
- however, The update were going to add will include actual lingerie! (you just can’t ask her to disrobe to see it- you have to buy it for her (with the money you earn in the game) Hells yeah- High five! 
Chuck- Great review! Thanks for taking the time to do it. Honest and accurate as usual.
but just as you mentioned- were working on fixes for it now. (the ask to disrobe was intentional humor – as most real girls will NOT disrobe when you ask them